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Candles lit. Prayers welcome.
Here's praying for my sweet brother, Ed. |
First and foremost-Thank you. Prayer itself...thoughts of prayers...casual mentions of "we'll keep you in our prayers" ....they matter. And they matter especially much in trying times such as those we are living through today...
I am a big believer in prayer, so yes, if you are the praying type...if you have prayer groups, prayer lists, prayer circles ...add us to them. We're told it only takes 2 or more, so group up! My sincerest, heartfelt thanks to you personally for praying for my brother and our family at this time, but go ahead and include your own family along with the bigger issues in life while you're in the zone...(May these things serve to heal us all~)
I post this blog (first in awhile and at a time that is more busy than usual given the circumstances) because I want to be VERY clear. Those prayer partners who know me spiritually, know what I'm about to say. Those who know me casually, might want to take note, if for no other reason than to be on the same page when referencing this word "prayer".Those who knew me professionally, know I've long held a fascination with words and phrases and am a stickler for detail and nuance in discovering origins and meaning behind things we say (often too flippantly) ...So please allow me to be very clear on what it means when someone says "I'll pray for you"
Let me tell you about my morning...
My day began as it has for the last several...with a lengthy list of backed up texts and voice messages that I either could not get to yesterday or that came in overnight. (When I sleep or write, I turn ringers off, often at the frustration of others who use their mechanical devices in different ways. To me, phones are there for us; not the other way around. I don't work for them, but here of late, it's been a debate, but I digress...I'll save my "cell phone etiquette" post for another day. Today, there are things of greater concern going on in my head and heart...)
For those who don't know, my brother (my one and only sibling whom I adore) was in a tragic automobile accident over the weekend and today is recovering from a broken neck... (while severely damaged, his spinal column was not severed so the prognosis is good. We simply have a
long journey ahead. Actually, there's nothing simple about it. Let me rephrase: it's going to be a journey.)
Of my many messages this morning came one from a precious neighbor, asking about my brother...asking about me.... but tagging his text with
"I worry a lot. Sorry that's just me."
(For the record, you never know when I'm going to take something so precious and gracious as an innocently sweet text to make a point (much less a blog) but because it hit a nerve of an ongoing debate I had with my father
almost until his dying day, my poor neighbor got a lengthy text back, expressing to him why his prayers I would welcome...but his worry I would not.)
For starters, worry, by definition, nets you adjectives like unease, unrest, troubles, anxiety (and that's just the first line in Webster). "Worry" says to me you are pondering the worse case scenario and giving precious mental energy to the darker, drearier outcome. If you were pondering the best case scenario, you would not be worried. You'd be thankful. (As we are.) You'd be hopeful. (As we are.) You'd be seeing the lay of the landscape as I do, which is to say bright and hopeful, perfect and peaceful ...LIFE ~ appreciated in a brand new light like never before.
So please: drop the worry. I refuse to go there with you. I will not meet you there...not even halfway.
Worry suggests (even if you tell me you're praying) ...you're not believing what you're praying, but rather than you are holding a mental picture of some worse case scenario that you perceive as our end game...which is to say your mental picture outweighs anything hopeful you say you are praying for/ believing in...hoping to convince me of. (You tell me you're worried, I'll tell you quit praying until you can fix your attitude...you're not convincing anybody...certainly not me...most of all, yourself.)
With all loving respect, my response to this MOST precious MOST appreciated neighbor of mine, went something like this:
Thank you for caring and I know you do... And my family welcomes all prayers. (Alert your church groups, your family...anybody you know well enough to pray with, we'll take it, b u t ... (my text continued)
"ix-nay on that worried part"
Specifically, I wrote:
As a favor to me, I simply ask ~ please... No worry!
Not to split hairs here, but worry tells me you are thinking the worst possible outcome and are giving thought to what might happen if it comes to pass..."Concern" tells me you care, and I know you do ... So if you want to use a word, go with concern, but never worry.
If you truly want to help me (as in physically, mentally, tangibly Doing something FOR me, as I know you do (and often have) ...please ponder the distinction...That's what you can do to help me today. Think on these things... That is my sole (soul's) request of you this very day...
(My text continued...)
My dad and I had this conversation often. He, like you, identified himself as a worrier, no doubt thinking it a noble and loving thing to do for someone you love.
As a sensitive person who picks up on these nuances, I picked up on these things: HIS worry only made matters worse, making ME have to work that much harder. When Dad said he was worried (whatever the reason de jure), I then had TWO tasks before me: 1) to tourniquet the worry part/stop the spurting spiral of bleeding energy before 2) re-living the emotional of whatever had happened leaving us to be reaching for prayers in the first place....In other words, whatever he was then or (you are today) worrying about, that takes additional energy to process. It takes effort to combat it. I don't have reserve energy for that. Just simplify it for me and skip past the worry, ok?
As a matter of my own personal faith and my years of studying both the meaning
of and the purpose
for prayer, this has become a key issue in my life so once more, I implored:
Please work on this... for my sake and my brother's ...for your kids's sake ... but most of all for YOU!
I concluded (my lengthy albeit heartfelt text) with...
All this said ... not to scold, but to tell you how it hits me to think something happening in my life sent a sweet and caring person such as yourself into a spiral of worry-dom and anxiety-ridden energy, (which I, in turn, must use my much needed reserves for to counter as I brace for both to combat and defend against your (unnecessary) worry ....All before reliving the emotional energy it takes to retell the story in order to express where things stand at present...
Here is the news you seek:
My brother is expected to have a full recovery. Doctors say it. Surgeons say it. We are knowing it. "Expected" is the operative word...No one's pulling any punches here; he has a long and trying road ahead and our family DOES welcome all prayers, but please...If you're going to pray...DO NOT DO SO from a state of worry, but rather from a state of faith. Take a walk. Clear your mind...Just please...come at it fresh....
You cannot live/experience/vibrate in both the level of faith and the level of worry at the same time; they are two entirely different vibrational frequencies... Just as stressing over a problem is nothing compared to the feel of that HUGE sigh of relief when a problem is resolved, so too is the vast difference in vibrational frequencies between worry and faith. I pray you get what I'm talking about here. I pray you know/have felt/can spot the difference...Seems small perhaps, but it is HUGE.
If you are worried...I beg you...save your praying until you can pray in the affirmative.
As for me, I am not worried. I am knowing my brother can and IS fully recovering. I know my brother. I also know my God.
Again, not to sugar coat it, he has some trying days ahead... his tragic ordeal has been a wake-up call to us all...
As I see his sweet face, looking up from a neck brace, tubes and wires all I can think is
May we never take for granted again something so simple as lifting a fork to our mouths or walking from one room to another...These things he must learn all over again, but his spirits are high and his resolve clear. And I'll be damned if I let worry show up on my face as I love him through it.
So please...if you want to help me...work hard on removing your own worries first.
I pray you know how sincerely/honestly/truly we appreciate this outpouring of love...I thank you for asking about him...I thank you for caring about me and our family. I know where your heart is and I am grateful for your kind and tender heart...(Now but to engage our minds in the proper space and feel before launching into our prayers.)
My sweet little neighbor replied:
Thank you. I will try not to worry and just pray.
Glad he's going to pull through.
My reply:
THAT's the Spirit! Thank you! Now Pray Away !
(Pray early and often and fervently and silently, in your closet... in your car or in any other space or place or way you choose to go about it... My family is deeply grateful. I am personally, deeply moved.)
Before launching any new project, venture or business, my daddy always taught me you must first define success, so that you can measure your progress against a scale of time and money to see if you are on track.
