These Things We Pray

     I long ago gave up praying for patience, as the lessons that accompanied that little request always showed up in the darndest moments and in the most frustrating of ways.
     I used to pray for happiness, though with time I have come to realize that happiness is a fleeting emotional state...one you can't stay in forever even if you tried. The thing I believe we are really shooting for when offering up any request involving emotions or moods (usually offered to get out of one we don't like) is peace or peace of mind. A peaceful mental state does not run from the sadder emotions; instead, it treats emotions like house guests. They come. They go. They alert you to something you need to know and then, they are supposed to pass. Some we like better than others. Some stay too long and we wish they'd leave. In asking for peace of mind, I freed up a lot of energy I'd been wasting trying to avoid the emotions I liked least. I came to recognize is not wrong to be sad when someone dies or you lose a cherished pet... To the contrary, "sad" is the proper emotion and it would be sadder yet (and not too peaceful in your head, btw) if you didn't feel anything at all in these moments.
     But here of late a new word has crept into my prayer vocabulary...a recurring word...and that word is "meaning".  If I could have but one prayer word... one wish granted...one Christmas gift from God, here lately the word I keep coming back to is "meaning"~
     Whether I've stumbled onto this one as a matter of concern for how much of material, worldly life comes across as meaningless to me these days from senseless murders to horrific wars to crappy television shows to Black Friday Christmas sales, I have come to recognize that my own little peaceful moments are those of meaning...and not necessarily huge meaning. The smallest moments are usually my best (like looking out the window just as Charlie-goat shows Hix how to head butt or jump on a spool).
    Having numbed out the news, having muted the commercials, having blocked out the things I used to worry about and for which I have absolutely no control, I find myself turning to the things that I might actually affect, be it friends going through things, be it ME going through things...When I can say "God, point me toward the meaning here..." a sense of hope is born. For that reason I now weigh shows to watch, which events to attend or which conversations to engage in, prefacing these decisions with a quick assessment of "Will there be meaning or will this wind up a shallow exchange of my precious energy?" (in which case, I'd rather pass, even if just to stay home and hug big dogs).

     Whether "Will there be meaning?" or "Help me find meaning..." or "Let me bring some facet of meaning to this situation or equation..." the gist of the request is to find and focus on whatever worthwhile there might be in what I'm choosing to participate in...and whoever I'm choosing to participate with (be it group, friend, pup or goat).
     Whether laughing or crying, alone or with another, to me it feels a lack of meaning is in large part to blame for a world in so much pain.