In Good we Trust

     I've debated writing on this topic because it's personal to me...More intimate than anything I dare say I've revealed to date about the inner workings of my day to day life. This topic has been more or less an anonymous journey until now~ As the causes we have given to in the past have for the most part, been done anonymously or with a giving trust to hide behind.
   
     History:

     In 2002, a successful business man received the news that his cancer (once in remission) had returned with a vengeance... While he had some say in controlling his wealth, his toys, his investments, cancer he could not control, which as you might imagine, was a wake up call like none other.

     With no children of his own and a wife he would leave well taken care of, he took a soulful inventory, re-assessing just what had been missing in  his life and came to the conclusion he had missed the point. In his drive to succeed, this man missed the experience of joy...specifically, the joy of giving...and sharing ... The joy of touching others by way of charitable deeds...the joy of creating miracles for others both known and unknown.

     In the weeks that remained, this man came to mourn the fact that he had not enjoyed his riches as fully as he could've...He'd stored treasures on earth, but if there was to be a heavenly payout, well, he had not been storing up there.

     His family rejoiced when he found Christ...They were moved when their somewhat Scroogey uncle had a drastic change of heart as he came to realize (without 3 Christmas ghosts and a really bad dream) that there was still time to make a difference...With this he, and his compassionate wife, set out to create a trust (the likes of which I have personally never seen...The likes of which continues to evolve today as there was no pattern for us to follow).

     I pause here to interject, I did not know this man. I was introduce through someone I was dating at the time. We met twice (this trust creator and I)...Our second meeting was (unbeknownst to me) to ask if I would serve on this trust and help his wife in what was anybody's guess regarding a trust with one mission: to give away money where we saw a need--no questions asked.

     With that he slapped $1 million dollars into an account to be managed by professionals who knew how to manage these kinda things...(Having great financial advisors was but one of many miracles to witness.) Within 2 weeks of his asking me to serve (with a woman I had only met twice as well, but one whose heart for giving I admired greatly and someone I eagerly wanted to help) I was sent a letter saying I'd soon be given direction by way of a meeting. All I thought at the time was, "No clue what we're doing here, but I'm in."

     The first meeting of the Richard T. and Dawn K. Sadler Trust committee was held Sunday, August 17, 2003. The mission of the meeting: "to provide financial assistance to deserving individuals and families...to meet emergency needs or to provide assistance ... to respond to a crisis...to improve their quality of life or to promote Christian values or family values or to carry out other good works which the Committee deems appropriate. "(He also added that he did not require us to use "necessity" as a strict prerequisite in any particular case, though most of our cases DO arrive with "need" at their core.)

     Seated around the dining room table of a man no longer living and one I barely knew even when he was, was this woman I had promised to help...and 13 other people -- total strangers, who, like me, had no idea what this trust would become.

     For starters, we were each handed $1000 with the directive to "give it in whatever increments, to someone YOU deem worthy."  This might be an overworked waitress. In other scenarios it was a student about to miss a flight for having misplaced a credit card. In most cases, we did our deeds anonymous. In some, it couldn't be helped. Where we could we tried to stretch our funds to help as many people as possible.

     Another unique trait of the trust was that we were not to worry about the tax ramifications, (which is to say, the trust covers this; we were not always going to have a receipt showing what we'd done, after all, this was in large part about anonymity). It was not mandated we give to non-profits or to causes or situations whereby a tax exemption required a receipt. No. Our funds were to go to people, places, causes that WE individually, spotted--usually short notice (i.e. in the moment)-- something WE deemed "needed" or "deserved" ...Each quarter we would report back the wildest "opportunities" presented to us. In time, we had to draft additions to our bi-laws as certain patterns in gift receiving surfaced almost immediately (i.e. repeat requests; requests by family members or close friends who, upon knowing of our trust might say "Hey...YOU with that old guy's money...Remember me?")

     I know what you're thinking because I've had person after person ask it too..."YOU-- have the TASK of giving away another person's money?" (Like "Is this a trick question?") But to be gut level honest...It's not as easy as you'd think, for with each decision to give comes a deluge of internal scrutiny of "Did I discern this need properly?" or "Will I be ticked if they don't show gratitude?" Thank you notes became a hot topic for me in those cases wherein we DID make it known to the recipient after all, "I" wasn't the one to thank, but if you want to truly show your gratitude, I'm MORE than happy to take your note to my next meeting. (Sadly thank you's don't always happen...That was something "I" had to get over.... Even in this were our spiritual lessons evolving.)

     So now... nearly 14 years later...we've lost 3 members to the overwhelm of the assignment...(Again, you wouldn't think it, but there is a certain emotional burden here if done properly. You might not think this logically, but it IS a BIG commitment to be responsible for giving away another's money...fulfilling another's intention, being lived out by folks here for those no longer living.) Two of our original members have passed, one of which was the man's wife and our leader (which adds another whole layer of "What's it all about Alfie" as now those of us remaining REALLY scrutinize if this is what He AND She would have us do in their stead.)

     Some of the trust's chairs were filled with family~ 3 sisters remain on the trust today, the energies from which I can only describe as heart-warmingly gut-wrenching (so intent are THEY on sticking to their uncle's dying wish)...

     Some of the chairs are held by fellow co-workers or employs who worked with the trust's founder the early years of growing his business...

     Some...(at least one), like my own is warmed by a person the man barely new...but a person he somehow felt might bring something to the table.

     We were given permission to bring larger requests to the group...such as for crises like those we're watching unfold in the Smoky Mountains. Larger needs called for larger contributions. (Last night's meeting spent much time and energy discussing just this.)

     In short, we're a team without our original captain at the helm...A team who regularly keeps to the meetings, but today, watches for signs and direction from on high as to how best we continue accomplishing the mission given to us as we give away money to strangers we (often individually and alone) deem worthy.

     One season we were given the creative exercise of giving our money ($100 at a pop) to 10 people to see what THEY would do with funds. Other times we voted on who  had the most hilarious story. (Trust me. You walk up to a stranger and offer to buy their groceries, their NES bill or their airplane ticket, you'll encounter some awkward moments and moments that can quite often, make you want to tuck tail and hide. Anonymous is our favorite way to go BY far, but you can't always pull that off logistically without SOMEone being in the know as to what's up and WHY?)

     While we can give to other non-profits and often have, it's not our favorite thing to do...The goal of the trust (as I feel it to be in life overall) is to LIVE the giving experience...to LEARN from the opportunity, both the good and the not-so-comfortable moments (like looking back when you called one wrong and found yourself gulping hard as you apologized to your fellow trust members for maybe not doing as much soul searching as you should've...Suffice it to say, we've had some tearful meetings along with some joyful ones~).

     We've given to dog causes, homeless causes...We've put families in hotels when their houses burned down. We've bought appliances after jobs or livelihoods were lost. We've paid funeral expenses. We've sent in repair people who were told to simply say "An angel sent me." We've paid last minute electric bills and water bills just before the shut off. We've sent pizzas, crayons, flowers...We've bought hearing aids and dentures...You name it. We've seen it and in many cases, we've funded it.

     But we've also given to folks you might NOT imagine...We've left anonymous, yet enormous tips where others would've gotten a news story out of it. We've slipped cash into the hands of cashiers and said "2 people behind me...Tell them it's covered...Just let me get out of the store first."

     In short, we've done our best for what was asked of us and today still ask "What next God?" when we gather around (now my own dining room table) every third month to say "How long can we keep this thing going?"

     I write all this....confess all this, NOT for praise or glory. (I think scripture is pretty clear on those wanting credit while on earth...This is NOT what this trust is about.) I share this to say the lessons I have lived/learned/continue to grow from are other-worldly...They are lessons in material giving, yes, but more, they are lessons in spiritual growth. These are tough lessons for petty egos feeling the need to have someone say thank you to the team...Lessons in guilt for wondering if perhaps I wasn't the greatest steward this go-round....Lessons in "never take for granted that giving is easy"~

     Don't get me wrong -- There is no joy like it, but giving done right (which is to say, done unconditionally...done PURELY for the sake of giving...of helping...NOT for glory or reward) ....this is an ever-evolving proposition and one we will continue to work on I suspect until the day we die.

     I share this because this trust is now a part of who I am. I'm not asking for folks to start hitting me up for money, and I'm certainly not asking for recognition. But I did, just this morning, feel the need to acknowledge my fellow givers  after reviewing pictures of them holding goats at a meeting, which served to remind just what a sacred bunch of family this is for me. In living this one alongside these who share the mission given us, that I count as the most valuable gift and lesson of all~

     I share likewise to say, giving is a funny thing. It's not natural. It's not easy. The rewards of giving are not logical...they are spiritual. And things like this trust in no way replace what we each ought be doing on our own with our own tithes and gifts... In truth, I believe there is no such thing as altruism...Those who are good at it (and I'm not listing myself amongst these, but the truly GREAT givers we have come to marvel at...the Mother Teresas...the Bill and Melinda Gates...the Rick Warrens of the world....) I am convinced, they do it for a reason....even a selfish one~  That reason is not a reasonable reason, It's an internal, spiritual high, the likes of which cannot be replicated by ANYthing other than the experience itself...The experience of GIVING...The FEELING of knowing lives have been touched by a decision YOU made to do something nice for someone else....Something that affects hearts changes outlooks at deep, CORE levels...that's one thing you cannot convey in words...It only conveys when you've experienced it (no matter how small the amount).

     For some things there are no words...Describing in logical, linear terms what giving feels like...What giving is all about...This is one of those things.

     To tap it...touch it... share in it... takes one simple gesture...One cup of coffee for a stranger...one toll paid for the person behind you~ One parking meter plugged when you'll never see the stranger for whom your act was a miracle~

     If you don't believe me...Try it.

     I double dog dare you~
    (I double goat dare you~ )

     Here's to a season of giving...

     Like any skill, there's an art to it...To get better at it requires practice...Regular, disciplined, in the trenches PRACTICE.

     Here's to finding such opportunities in your own walk ...

     Trust me. They're out there...They're everywhere.

     (I share only because I want YOU to feel the joy too.)

Resume the Blog...Resume the Blog...Must Resume...

So the voice is no longer whispering...
It now yells.

I KNOW it is in my best interest (she says quite selfishly) to resume a project I recommitted to several months ago ...of tracking this journey from outer world to inner...from city to country (not that you can't live an inner life in the city, you can I'm told...I simply find shutting off certain noises  and removing myself from certain distractions to help.)

Since last I left you, a couple of things have transpired...

For starters, I haven't gotten much paying work completed this year...unless you count selling a few goats, which I pretty much suck at because I keep naming them.

My third cookbook, while laid out, did not get done, and while I planted in April, the garden didn't make it either. (Kinda requires someone to work it. That my goats and pups were loved and cared for while I was away with my brother was more than I could've asked for. There'll be another year for a garden. I simply had to learn to let things slide with this one..."Release Karlen. Learn to release.")

When life calls, you answer. The good news is, what I lack in revenues, I made up for in priceless life lessons. My year took on new depths of meaning and soul searching the likes of which I'll  probably be writing about for the rest of my days on the planet.

But I did complete one task...

I completed my ministerial studies, more convinced by the experiences of this past year that whatever happens, I was probably not going to change, my wiring being "Help first. Figure it out later." Not so great for business, but it's where life found me this year.

So with "resume the blog" now playing daily in my inner intercom,  I share this as my attempt to get back in the zone...(Sometimes it helps just saying it out loud --or writing it--even if to total strangers.) Something about committing openly has a way of kicking things into real go-gear...
(At least it does for me.)

I share with you an article I was asked to write shortly after my ordination.

The request?

Could you write a column about those in ministering professions who forget to minister to themselves? (Because obviously I am so darned good at it...That was a little joke.)  Question is: who heals the healers? Who supports the supporters? These types (and I am nowhere to compare to those who work in healing professions day in and day out) they can often lose themselves in their service roles, seldom stopping to think about the practicalities of what it means to keep giving at all costs...

It's a topic near and dear to my heart, having seen many a good-hearted care-giver, give to the point of exhaustion over this past year...

So rather than re-invent a wheel here...Here's the article I wrote for a ministerial newsletter, but it applies to many other professions and some not even in the business of tending to others, but wired that way. No matter your background or your training, if you are inclined to put others first no matter the cost (which must be DNA for Southern females) ...or even if you're just ramping up for yet another burnout holiday season, knowing before you start you'll be depleted before it ends, well...truth is truth, and this truth may apply to you, so if the shoe fits...

Tomorrow, I'll get back to farm topics....after all, we've got goat babies coming out our ears and if anything makes you want to reflect on the good stuff in life, goat babies will do it.

More important, I have missed writing. Period. Daily.  I need it. All writers must do this. It's writer's law. Even if others 'out there' don't have time or desire to read it, it's therapy, so I  continue...

Meanwhile one last request: #PrayforOurSmokyMountains

My heart breaks along with all the rest of you at the devastation that's happened to our beautiful Smoky Mountains...To those healers on the ground, in the trenches, in those hospital corridors and hectic fire halls up in East Tennessee, this article may be timely for you as well.

Here's praying for healing...
Here's wishing us all a tender Tennessee Christmas~


(Reprinted from DSMA Newsletter Fall 2016; Divine Science International)

    "Don't forget to take care of yourself ... "

     If I heard it once I heard it 1,000 times. But let these words come from your doctor and this notion of healing the healer takes on quite the literal challenge.

     Like many, I was taught that caring for others is Christ-like, thus caring to the point of exhaustion, must be more Christ-like, right? I personally prided myself on being good at this sport. (Some say it's bred into Southern females.) But sadly, somewhere along the way I had confused care-taking, for who I was as a person, as opposed to caretaking as one (of a limited number of things) this body can do.      

     And like so many living lives of ministry, I have yet to master doing for myself what I' ll intrinsically do for others without so much as thinking about it.

     When told to love our neighbors as ourselves, it's assumed there was a healthy dose of self love going in, but who in life teaches us self love? It is not self love (heck it's not even kind) to keep giving to the point of exhaustion. And

nowhere in scripture does it say love your neighbor at the expense of yourself. 

     While we know and acknowledge that we are creations made by a perfect Creator, how is it we so easily we forget that no one creation is more or less important than another, after all, we are all one.

     For me, it wasn't even that others were asking so much as it was ME on auto-pilot, making myself unrealistically available out of sheer habit.

     To begin breaking this pattern for the sake of my physical health if nothing else, I had to first remove myself mentally from the me I thought I was. By this I mean, I pictured my inner child outwardly, as a physical child, placed in my stead to protect and nurture. 

     With this image firmly planted, it

soon became clear the effects of my poor choices on an innocent life.

     I pictured myself holding her little hand, her trusting eyes looking to me for support, and I came to realize that not only was I an unworthy mother, I was downright abusive. As I recognized I was allocating NOT the best of me, but

whatever dregs might be left over once I had care-taken the world I shuttered as it dawned on me "It's a miracle child services hasn't hauled me away!"

     That we are each expressions of Divine and endless love is 101 in our teachings, so why is it so difficult to remember that even endless supplies of love channel through earthen vessels, and these clay earthen vessels command respect if they are to be used properly. They require proper maintenance. 

     Recognizing that self-care is not a suggestion, but rather a decision one must recommit to each and every day, is perhaps the most difficult discipline of all, and yet one we cannot afford to let slide. Self love, self care, and doing-for yourself (at the very least} what you might do for another is not an Healing the Healersoptional proposition. It is as vital a lesson to incorporate into the day to day life of a minister as any lesson our teachings have to offer. 

Authored by Rev. Karlen Evins.

This summer Rev. Karlen was ordained by the Samaritan Institute. She is a writer, journalist, farmer, and goat herder. You may find out more about Rev. Karlen at www.Karlenevins.com.