Post Election Thoughts on An Uncivil War

     I cannot lie. The elections did a number on my head, and worse, my heart. No sooner do I mourn the loss of a friend do I find myself mourning all over again and at the risk of it turning into a full blown depression, I decided to process it out loud.
     I've been around politics long enough to know you really DO want to keep your political opinions to yourself if you don't want to lose half your friends. Sadly, we have no civil discourse anymore...Disagree with me means you no longer like me, and to me that's just sad. Social media has robbed us of our ability to separate the two, but that's only the beginning of the sad part. Intended or not, these campaigns divided us...They pitted whites against blacks, reds against blues, you against me and us against them. And sadly, you can't spew the kinda bile these folks have been spewing, then day after ask us all to forgive and forget and just play nice and "everybody get along now, ya hear?" I know it's what candidates (say they) do (and I thought she did it with great aplomb), but her thick skin is not MY thick skin. Things said, insults hurled and cutting remarks made, they wounded...They cut deep. You wanted them memorable, well you got it. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can and DO tear us apart...we're living proof. We're human shrapnel.  Too many of the crass comments I heard...They've stuck with me. They're under my skin. I admit it. Respect is earned and I am not in a respecting place right now...
     It won't be instant healing, but there must be healing. I just don't think we can heal in a day because the one who lost asked us to. I'm more human than that.
     More than me being pro or anti anybody, what makes me sadder yet is that most of us (nearly all of us) went to the polls to vote against somebody. Nobody's voting FOR anymore. Greatest voter turnout is not when you like somebody, it's when you hate. It bothers me greatly to hear "lesser of two evils" (meaning we've totally accepted it's gonna be an evil leader whoever wins). It hurts my heart to hear "I hate so-n-so" when describing a candidate...or to see children holding signs with vulgar comments or words like "Kill" slathered on them. Those messages, those off-handed political slams, those barbs get indelibly imprinted in the minds of our next generations...The same generation we're begging to quit their bullying, while looking up to us bullying adults wondering "What's the difference?"
     Like it or not, this entire election has brought out the worst in us...and the aftershocks scare me more than the main quake. We don't have a Lincoln today to lead us through this Uncivil War we're in. We can't tweet our way to understanding. We can't turn a blind eye, pretend it didn't happen and hope for the best. It's going to take more than that...It's going to take time, and it's gonna take (most important of all) a sincere and heartfelt desire in each of us as individuals, to truly WANT to heal.
     I do have hope, mind you. I HAVE to have hope...If as a nation we plan to endure, we MUST have hope ...
     The hope I have? The one silver lining? It has nothing to do with election turn outs at all, but with us....as individual, caring souls... As I sat there staring at my screen in shock and disbelief, one thought came to me, speaking to me not from a campaign loud speaker, but in the stirring of a still small whisper...
     "It was never out there in the first place, Evins...Why are you staring at your set...?" Our answers in life are never someone else's to devise for us. True answers for how I live my life come from within...I know this...What was I thinking?
     If there's a pony to be found anywhere in this pile of crap we called an election, I have found it to be in the reminder to shift my focus, and sooner the better. Get out of the hate game where they can control us...and back into the love zone where we need it most. True healing doesn't come from bureaucrats or oligarchs...True healing and things like compassion, and caring for our fellow man cannot be mandated. No...that comes from hearts --like yours, like mine. And in this, and this alone, I DO have hope.
     My resolve today is to remove the reminders that made me so vulnerable in the first place (namely the evening news and the petty squabbles they dubbed debates). If we are in any way, shape or form hopeful of healing this country, we must start first by healing ourselves. (Don't know about you, but I'm in need of a little self-nurturing about now...I feel like I've lived through a tsunami.)
     Once reseted, centered, back on balance, THEN we begin to lift the rubble...
     And once poised and ready to lift, we do not start with fear...We do not start by pointing fingers of blame. We start with an internal, genuine, passionate desire for healing. It ain't "out there" folks. Nothing "out there" is going to save us. Never has. Never will.
     But "in here" ...each with your own still, small voice...in your own loving home...I believe there's hope. Today I turn my thoughts inward. I refuse to give the lowest common denominator the benefit of my most prized possessions, that being my thoughts, my passion... my heart.
     I've got to be honest... Right now I'm not so proud to be an American. But I'm sure as heck humbled to be one...And maybe this country could use a bit more humble than pride right now...Cause if the Bible's right, and the meek are gonna inherit the earth, I can dang sure guarantee you that program won't start in Washington.

(Thanks for letting me vent. I now resume my little life on the farm...I have a choice at what my eyes take in today...I choose love!)

(I cannot look at this shot of Rosebud and not crack up!)

   

This Thing Called Prayer

“I’m praying for you…”

What exactly does that mean?

I’m praying you will (fill in the blank) _________ recover from this ordeal? I’m praying you walk again? I’m praying you flat out live... Isn’t that how we pray? Isn’t that what prayer’s about? A request to the big guy to grant our own personal, limited view of the bigger picture?

One of the toughest conversations of my life came when a friend of mine lost her teenage daughter in a car accident. Depressed and reclusive for the year that followed, two Christmases later I received  a card. She wanted to talk… “You believe in God. You do that metaphysical show… What did I do wrong ?” she asked (as if I held such answers).

When we got together she painfully relived the worst day of her life…detailing the call no parent ever wants to receive….The call that starts out, “There’s been an accident…” and is followed by a bunch of garbled-y-gook… then ends with words like “Lifeflight" and "Vanderbilt” ~

She described the frenzied race...the speeding down the interstate to get there, get there, GET THERE ...the entire drive one big long prayer to please, please, please, please, PLEASE Oh God...let my daughter live!!

But her daughter didn’t live. My friend was too late. By the time she arrived, her daughter had passed. The doctors did all they could do, but that wasn’t enough.

After a year of blinding depression, her question now was “What did I do wrong?” Followed by “What should I have done differently?”

Would it have mattered if, instead of racing to get there, I’d made 10 calls and asked each of them to make 10 calls…(Does quantity matter?)

Would it have changed things if I’d called my preacher first? (Does the quality of the one praying matter?)

In short, it’s what we as humans do, when we as humans can't alter the outcome, right? We beg God to do it for us. We call in the favors. Isn't that what prayer is all about?

My understanding of prayer is ever evolving … As a child, I prayed like a child, which at the time, involved a lot of rhymes (or attempts at) “God is great…God is good…"  got us through meals ….“Before I wake” and “Soul to take”  got us through the night.

Later, my prayers were basically selfish wish lists… “Dear God, let me make cheerleader…” or “Dear God, I pray I get in...this play...this program...this university.”

With time my prayers became more sophisticated, but they were still rather self serving… “Bless this relationship (usually after a bunch of prayers like “Dear God, let him call”) or “Dear God, please help me not hate this new program director so much...”

I'd like to think some made God laugh; no doubt, there was perhaps some psychological benefit as at least I acknowledged my imperfections, but end of day my prayers were still pretty much me asking someone out there—to fix or make better something, down here.

Granted, it’s habit, hardwired into me after years and years of doing it wrong, but for the most part, I don’t pray like that anymore. Today I approach prayer differently…Prayer is no longer my universal wish list for the world to do things my way, so much as it is a meditative approach to calm my monkey brain while aligning myself to THE Source of all things good in hopes of being better equipped for whatever does wind up happening.

Additionally, prayer is my own centering effort that (when done right) has been known to bring comfort in those times when I have absolutely no control in the matter (which is pretty much all the time if we get right down to it).

Case in point… Two nights ago, in a pocket of extreme “no control in the matter” I not only prayed for my friend who’d slipped into a coma… I reached out on Facebook and asked friends and total strangers to do the same…

For the next two days I watched the count tick upwards of 200, I opened emoticons, I fed off the energy that those short little phrases packed and I DID find comfort…I found great comfort in knowing others cared. That others were with me in thought packed a whale of a punch...That one simple request could net such an outpouring of love was the ultimate prayer benefit if you ask me, after all that outpouring was real…I felt it physically and I pray my friend and his wife did as well.

But last night, my friend passed away anyway…Removing the tubes that had kept lungs pumping, his exhausted body gave way and his spirit soared. (This I believe with all my heart.)

Had I prayed for this? Was this the prayer of my Facebook friends? (I sincerely doubt it.) No. My selfish prayer was for him to stick around…Suffer through if you must. Stay with us Rick. Stay with us! Though I had tossed one in requesting “Whatever happens God, give us the strength and wisdom to deal…” I had not held this as the ultimate picture I was hoping for. Nope. My prayer at its core, was still a selfish one...and I'm sad to say, it is again today.

Today I find myself praying for comfort…my own, yes, but all the others who are missing him too...for his wife, and for those who are sad for his wife...Everyone who'll miss his smiling face. Some might even be praying to understand why (after all, my friend was a young guy…his gifts to this planet, enormous. If you’re gonna take someone God, why not take a deadbeat who drains the system?)

But the fact that my friend is gone, and I awake to news of plenty of deadbeats that made it through the night tells me I clearly don’t grasp the ultimate meaning of what prayer is truly all about.

So today, I’ll practice praying some more…I’ll dig a little deeper…I’ll pray for wisdom to accept the things I cannot change…I’ll pray to be there for the others who, like me, are mourning the loss…

And we’ll pray that maybe, just maybe, we start living as if we really believe this stuff we claim to believe…that life beyond this one is so much greater and that the real prize is getting there and that any of our requests to the contrary come from our very narrow, very limited understanding of the bigger picture…And I’ll pray that maybe, just maybe my prayers will evolve…that instead of praying for petty things like a parking space or my team to win or the phone to ring or that job to come through or…or…or…Maybe I pray to get it right it right next time.

Dear God, today I pray that you help me understand more fully, this thing called prayer. Send a refresher course…Send a user’s manual. Give us all a better, more thorough understanding of what Jesus left us as the ultimate prayer example, as I’m still not convinced we’re getting it right.

And I pray a prayer of thanks…For having known this soul in the first place…For having questioned life and having lived life a little deeper because of these past few days…And I pray a prayer of thanks for what I’m told is a most exciting journey ever ... a journey my friend is experiencing this very minute!

I don't know much, but this I do know…

If praying for a friend (and recruiting others to do the same) nets me a friend who is today resting in peace, then I might want to backtrack and recall just what it is I was truly praying for in the first place.  Cause last I checked, God wasn’t out there for spite…taking sincere prayer requests and delivering a 180 opposite just for kicks.

No. If anyone doesn’t grasp the true meaning and purpose of prayer, it has to be me, so may my prayer going forward be one of asking to better understand (so as to better utilize) this gift we were given, that we perhaps  too often take for granted...This gift we know as prayer.