World's Greatest Patient Award Goes To . . .

   

     My Brother, Ed!
     (If I had stars, I'd post 'em. I'm sure there're emoticons for this, but I don't do emoticons as it's all I can do to read letters, but I digress...)

     This one's for you, Ed!

     For those who know my brother, you can vouch for what I'm about to say ...
     For those of you who do not, let me paint you a picture:
   
     My brother is extremely outgoing. He is super talented. Most of all, he is super witty. To be brutally honest, he loves an audience.  It started with an audience of one when in his childhood, his favorite act was to wait for J U S T the right second to crack a one-liner at the dinner table--(as in precisely when I'd chugged some milk) -- Guy honestly made it his goal each evening to see if he could get me to spew it out my nose...

     May I take this moment, pre-Mother's Day to say, "Mom, we're sorry." (Bless her heart she got to clean up a lot of messes and I got a lot of early baths, but I do think that was the start of his career.)

     In my teens, his talent took wing: he was front and center on Opryland stages: I was front and center, front row every chance I got. Seeing Ed in productions like "For Me And My Gal" and "I Hear America Singing" felt like knowing the cast of Chorus Line... As far as I was concerned, Opryland was Broadway and Ed, pure Broadway material.

     As an adult Ed traded barbershop costumes for business suits, but (how to put it nicely)  Ed hasn't changed much. In fact, he still likes attention and he's actually a bit of a control person. (See kid sister be kind.) He likes to know things, own things...be the first to share things --be on top of the latest. For all the love we share of music and comedy, I rolled my eyes when he PROUDLY posted a selfie of himself, #20 in line, waiting for the latest iPhone. (For the record: being in a mall, much less sleeping there overnight, to purchase a mechanical device is my idea of hell, but by gum, Ed was there, and darn proud of it!)
   
     I share all this to say, that the Ed I'm seeing today is nothing but pure miracle...and by miracle, I don't mean he's amazingly up and walking...what I mean is that if you had told me a year ago that my brother would suffer a broken neck and all that entails, I would've said "Dear Lord, help us all."  My brother likes to control things...and the thought of not controlling things like legs or stomachs or bowels, well, my brain had no place to file that.

     But I'm here to report, Ed's got a new take on control and once again I find myself marveling at the foot of the master...  To be honest, I would never have pegged him a good patient, but he's proven to me that I am the cynic in the family while he is king.

     For those who have asked, Ed's spirits are high; his progress a bit slower than we would've liked, but he's a trooper.  In his "loves attention" way, leave it to him to be stumping the world's finest doctors. While his spinal cord's not severed (and we did backflips over wiggly fingers and toes), his digestive system has taken a bit of a hit and we need him processing food before he can get checked into rehab. But lest you think this a setback (as is our tendency--shame on us) let me tell you about my brother today ...

     For starters, I find it ironic, that for one who has suffered a broken back, he IS the back bone of this family. How he can lie there with no fear, defies logic, but if he has it, he ain't showing it. He is emotional, for sure. But his emotions aren't fearful ones...they are grateful ones --sheer, raw gratitude is all you'll see coming from Ed today.

     Case in point: his first room in Vanderbilt's trauma unit (we've had several) faced the Life Flight helipad. I wasn't there the night it happened, but he shared with me that when the first flight came in his thought was "Crap. I'll never get sleep...Like I need that on top of everything else..." But then he added "It hit me...Whatever/whoever that copter is bringing in right now, is, in this moment, living their worst nightmare... So I began to pray. I decided I can't do much, but I can do this much. I can pray for whoever's being flighted in." 

     More personal yet, my brother says thank you--for EVERYTHING...A clean washcloth, a bed pan, a midnight (wake up) check of things...Thank you. Thank you.Thank you. He's wearing out the thank you's. At one point, while thanking me for an ice chip (and not just one...each and every one) I laughingly said, "Bro...I love you...And I KNOW you're grateful... I truly do...But you've got a tube up your nose and down your throat, what say to spare the vocal cords and take it as a given on the Thank you's...I KNOW you're grateful...and I love it, but for the sake of your throat... It's all good."  to which he said, "Sis...it's the one thing I can do right now for myself...let me have it." 

     Normally I'd turn away so he wouldn't see me tear up....but these days tears have become our new  language...

     While we wait for his tummy and bowels to kick in and join the party, all I can say is his heart is doing double time...and his spirit, taking over.

     Your prayers we do welcome. Colorful cards, just as much...And he can accept visitors, though there are rules for how many, so you might check first. We are hopeful that next week he'll be moved to rehab in Atlanta where I'll be by his side for as long as it takes...Will do my best to keep you posted in the meantime.  I have begun a Caring Bridge page, but I've yet to have time to post anything, so consider you, my FB friends, the first to know...Please share the update if you know someone who's asking about Ed. Keep him, keep us in your prayers.

     While what he's going through I would not wish on my worst enemy, I must say, I would not take anything for this journey...He strengthens my resolve every day.
   
     Let's love him home...Your thoughts, prayers and well wishes are palpable...They lift us more than you could ever know...

     Ed would want me to say to you all ... "Thank you!"

   

The Spirituality of Bankruptcy

           We were long overdue. Both writers... both on deadlines, we’ve been meaning to catch up for some while. As is often the case before sinking my teeth into a brand new project, today seemed a good time (procrastination being that final step before the hunker-down stage, after which you don’t surface for weeks). So I reached out in the off chance she was up for a chat, and she was, so we did our best to cram into two hours, all that has meaningfully shaped us these past several months.

As for me, well, I’m over-extended. I’ve got goats to feed; dogs in need. My garden’s coming in too fast, and I ran out of the very cookbooks that pay my bills, meaning my new one gets delayed, (hence my need to seriously hunker down). In hers, new projects as well, hopeful things up ahead…but also, she shared, she had just filed for bankruptcy.

             Life as a writer is feast or famine by nature. This time her famine caught up. There are release dates you can’t control; editors you learn to tolerate… Publishing houses go bankrupt (costing you time and money to fish your intellectual properties out of the morass)…In short, you learn to be a duck: look calm on the surface while paddling like hell underneath.

            As we caught ourselves up (as close friends will do), I could not help but notice the serenity about my friend who was struggling 100-ways-to-Sunday last I’d spoken with her when she was trying to make ends meet and keep wolves at bay. How many conversations we’d spent over  “But if this happens…” or “We’re so very close” …all of which were very true. (It’s just so few think to check on us in our in-between times.)

            I listened intently as she described a peace that I could feel through the phone line if she hadn’t said a word.  “I don’t fight it anymore. I do what they tell me…Show up where they send me. To be honest, it’s been the most freedom I’ve experienced in a long time.  I had no choice. I am totally at peace.”

            Not one to judge who files for what or in which chapter, the moral of this story was less about financials, more about “Isn’t this the way we all should be living?”

            To be clear, this is not an expose’ on bankruptcy. I’m not recommending everyone go file. This is a commentary on living your spirituality --practically-- in the day to day. Could my friend have avoided it, she would’ve. But the manner in which she's approaching her life today….Well, isn’t this kinda the goal?

            Search it yourself, but you'll not find in scripture that Jesus kept a checkbook. And if you’ll recall, his 12 just up and left good jobs all to follow a stranger, (a story that would have reporters investigating a cult if it happened today). And if you really want to follow the money, you’ll find it was women (like Mary and Martha), not the guys, who paid for the groceries. (Granted, Jesus could do a lot with a little, but even those times began with donated food.)

            Not to sermonize...no, my issue is with the peaceful place in which this woman finds herself today. She could lose her house. She has no clue from whence her next dollar will land, but that she is literally, gut-level honestly living by faith…well to me, it spoke volumes.

            Conclusion of our conversation ended somewhere between “It’s all about releasing” and “We only THINK we’re in control…” after all, who amongst us knows when the next medical crisis, car wreck or layoff will change our lives forever?

            In the end, her insight left me in a state of wonder and awe…Her final conclusion is what I strive for each day: “When I start to get scared, (lose faith, run out of answers) what choice do I have but to hand it over?” (Follow up question: "Why must it take such fearful experiences to drive this one home?")

            As one who loves her friend, and hates she’s having to endure such, I have to say, her faith is making her whole. (And it doesn’t take a Div degree to recall how that one ends.)