For Bella~

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. . .

(For anyone under 20, I didn’t invent that… instead, credit is due Charles Dickens who penned the words some 150 years ago in the opening of his classic “Tale of Two Cities”).

Still and so, the juxtapositioning kinda sums up my world today…I credit Rosey for providing the wisdom in times like these. (Then again, isn’t this what dogs are for?)

It all started when (last week) I began embracing seriously the topic of placing Rosey’s pups -- plan at the time being to find home for all 7.  I have since decided to keep one pup as Rosey’s companion, appropriately named (by my little friend Addison) “Rosebud” …for she is just that: Rosey's bud.

The first to encounter (and then resist) embracing a new pup or two was a couple quite familiar with the breed. Pyrenees need lots of room to roam, fyi; and then they need fences to keep them from roaming too much. These two were dog nuts with settings resembling those you see on the opening to the TV show, Dallas.Yep. These puppies were in for a really good life.

Pictures of their last fur-babies (I think at one point they had 5) graced walls and desks…Classic dog people. Their only hesitation? “We’re not sure we can endure the pain of the loss.”

It’s a state every dog person knows too well. To anticipate the end it is not uncommon when allowing yourself to fall in love all over again with a pup. Back and forth our conversations went; but by yesterday, it was agreed. They would take 2 and I would babysit when they traveled (as they live nearby). Come Sunday they would come pick up their babies.

On the other end of the emotional scale, my friend Dave, lost his girl Bella of 16 + years last week, thus living the very pain my other friends were thinking through in their pup decision. If/when ready, he was due a puppy fix, even if only for a visit.

Dave and I have always shared our pups. Minks loves him like her own (and he her). Bella was my girl too.

Never knowing quite how or when or what to say when one loses their best friend of that many years, all I could say was “Come see Rosey’s pups….Whenever it’s right…”

So my morning started with a call from those originally hoping to resist pain saying “Can we come fetch our babies early?” (After all, when it comes to puppies, why postpone even one day of joy?) This was followed by one newly raw to the pain who brought his baby, in a box, to experience and share in the newness of life…(as Bella loved nothing more than a romp on the farm).

Thanks to the innocence of puppies…both found healing in the love from critters who have no clue that blogs or all this thinking even exists (for puppies, as we know, live in the present...Their job? To bring joy, happiness and love.) Which is precisely why we love 'em so...

I dedicate this one to Dave’s baby, Bella~who was my baby too…

And to those everywhere who dare to love again~

Bella girl, thank you for your beautiful life and all the love you brought us.
Here’s knowing your Spirit lives forever…
You're a good grrrl.

On Life, Love and Romance

So my friend’s in a new relationship.

I was thrilled he found someone new so soon after the divorce, after all, it sucks when your spouse cheats. We had prayed for something wonderful, something healing, and I was certain this was God’s way of making room for something better, and gosh, dern if that didn’t prove to be true…

Still and so (in the words of that Brad Paisley fish song) “I’m gonna miss him.”

            You can always tell when someone starts dating again (mostly by the calls they don’t return). In girlfriend speak this means “Get ready not to see your friend again for the next …ever-how-many-months-it takes-for-the-new-to-wear-off” and/or when the need to cry on your shoulder eventually  wins out and prompts a call…

For those of us who’ve been guilty of the same: we have since made it dating law: Girlfriends: Never neglect your own…especially in the days of a start up~

In all sincerity, given farm life is nothing but a commentary on life in general, dating/mating rituals seems par for the course, and not all that complicated to decipher. It’s seasonal. It’s cyclical. You WILL wish you’d paid attention to the migration patterns.

Still, here’s the part I question:

Anyone who truly loves another person (friend or otherwise) wants to see that person happy. (Period. End of Story.) I'll go one further to say I want them happier than they’ve ever been. If we could cast such a vote for a friend….This would be my vote.

But what the newly in love don’t realize (and yes, I’ve double/triple checked my gut on this) …Leaving behind the best YOU (and those who know and LOVED that best you, precisely as it was) and giving said "you"  over to someone/anyone (read: total stranger) for judgmental approval is a recipe for disaster. (Trust me. I’ve been collecting recipes for a few years now; I’ve got an overstuffed file folder for those involving “disaster”.)

Don’t get me wrong.

No one wants to see the planet more in love than I do. Heck. If everyone were in love right this moment (prisoners included)…stands to reason we’d all be falling asleep lookin’ like a snuggles commercial about now…

But when your newly acquired love status has you leaving behind those who loved you last, for being precisely YOU, ...well, I’m just askin'…What does this say about loyalty genes and people in general?

(See why puppies have taken such a hold on my heart? So much less complicated, don't you think?)

Cheatin'

            So I gave up mornin’ tv. And my life is better for it. It’s hump-day and so far I’ve gotten more done in half a week than I have in the past 6 as far as work goes. (Also probably helped that a few pups have left and the ones still here are outside practicing their goat-guardin’ skills; my guilt factor alone is relieved knowing each morning I no longer have to race to get them out of the basement~)

            But…

            I must confess…

            Television snuck back in (is “snuck” a word?) Only it “snuck” back in on the other side of the day…which is to say Late Night….

            Granted I have plenty of justifications:

1)   I gave up morning Tv. This shouldn’t count.

2)   It’s end of day. I’ve earned it.

3)   I’m working with television folks these days; keeping up with what else is happening is part of the game.

But bottom line: It still feels like cheatin’. The ultimate goal is silence and books, after all, Thoreau would not be doing this.

However, while I’m here, may I just say (observe/critique) … “Go Nashville!”

I know there are a slew of new late night talk shows. Personally, I adore Jimmy Falon (though I personally feel the Tonight Show should always come from LA) …I likewise, find Seth Meyers to be very quick witted. But beyond these talents, what I am noting most of all is the Nashville talent that is bombarding their musical line ups~

It’s like that Southern wind that sings again (an island lullaby) to tune in and find Dierks on Jimmy’s show followed by Brad (ie Paisley) on Seth’s, and realize “They like us. They really like us!”

Of course, I’m not surprised. What’s not to like? Why the only thing better than Southern living is Southern music (and right after that, Southern cooking…And goodness knows, we got that too J)

And on the 8th Day, God Made Neighbors ~

Biggest item on my agenda today was making sure my mom got everything out of her old refrigerator (with broken freezer) in time for the nice delivery people to install her a shiny new one. May not seem like much. Then again, those of us blessed to have mothers to help or who’ve ever endured this task on our own know there are endless opportunities for error (starting with the fact, that the people scheduling said deliveries are in another country, if not another planet, while their delivering representatives here on the ground (i.e. in her driveway) are stuck waiting for being two hours too early. (I’m thinking appliance folks should team up with cable people. For once I actually wanted a 4-hour delivery window, but I digress…This is not a blog about refrigerator deliveries. Nor is it a blog about tossing age old contents from a 20-year old frig much as I’d love to make it that, cause leave it to my frugal Mom to have frozen coconut dating back to 2004, but again, I digress.)

Instead, this is a blog about yet another unspoken plus that epitomizes country living, which is to say: neighbors.

Mom thanked me profusely for coming in like a drill sergeant when I got word that the delivery folks were in her drive (a full hour before their company was supposed to even call her to confirm the afternoon appointment window). But in all honesty, I can’t take full credit. Yes, I’m wired to roll with last minute changes, while focusing on the end game, but truth be told, It takes a village. And more and more these days, my village of neighbors is every bit as much family as Mom ( again… another example of life lived in circles and cycles and not straight lines).

Let me give you a glimpse of where mine came in to play:

Somewhere between morning routines and fielding Mom’s call that the delivery folks were coming early, I hear a knock on my door (sound effects accompanied by barking dogs). Turns out it was my neighbor and farming mentor Thurman, just stopping by on his tractor to check my soil while confirming we’ve got goats to drench before Saturday (“drench”  meaning “de-worming” by way of a formula that must be squirted into their little goat mouths by syringe (minus the needle part)—It’s a two person proposition--one to hold/one to squirt--so I’ll need help. Thurman was on top of it. Got goats going to auction this weekend. Gotta get ‘em ready.

Before that, my first text of the day was from another neighbor confirming, “yes” I could borrow some coolers (for the Mom-frig operation) …and that he’d left ‘em outside his garage.

While pulling together the rest of what Mom needed (mostly ice, from two freezers, another neighbor-assisted gesture enhanced by the orange buckets I’d yet to return to the kind one who brought my dogs meat scraps a couple of weeks back). I got a call from my next door neighbor, wanting to borrow my little green wagon to haul some stuff from one place to another in her yard…the most difficult part of the task being us clearing a path in my messy garage to get it out.

All this to say: It really does take a village. And while I am comfy in the role of idiot, I must say I adore the fact that when something needs doing in the country (at least on the street I live on) no one worries too much about “Is it ok to ask?” or “Will they think I’m imposing?” No. In the country, when someone says, “What are you doing today?” You answer quite honestly, and you don’t hesitate to say, “Oh, and by the way, can I borrow _________?” (Fill in the blank.)

It’s kinda new for a girl who would otherwise never impose.

But in the country, it doesn’t feel like imposing.

It feels like what family does for family when a need arises.

In the end, there is family we’re born to, and family we live by, and even family we get to choose.

Even more fun when life lets you blend ‘em all together.

Old Habits Die Hard (But When They Do...)

Woke up this morning (first morning, post Olympics) to feed umpteen critters in weather I hoped we were done with for the season. Yawning, I reached for the remote to check the weather, when it hit me like a lightin’ bolt, “Wait. I said I was NOT gonna let my mind rot out to mindless morning television again.”

Past blogs will attest to my addiction. Television coverage, the bumps, the teases, the “coming up nexts” hit me right in my sweet spot. I found myself glued to Olympic coverage of sports I barely understood. (I thought maybe our own arctic freeze was bonding me to Sochi, Russia, but that can’t be…Heck, they had warmer weather than WE were having in Middle Tennessee...Go figure.)

I caught myself before allowing myself to go into the mind-numbing “zone” where advertisers and news briefs hope they land you like a fish, as I justify, “Oh, what’s another 5 minutes gonna hurt…So what if I’m only minimally interested in the local arrests for the night…Surely something affecting my life is gonna spring forth from that screen any second now..."

But not this day No. No. Ney. Ney.

I caught myself this time.

Where I’d binged on Olympic coverage, today was the time to go on a television diet.

I reached for a book on tape…anything nearby. Anything without commercial interuptions. 

My book dejure was on Kaballah.

Kaballah, for those who do not know, is a Jewish school of thought tied to mysticism. It’s a lens through which one interprets Old Testament law, if not life today. Yes. A little heavy if you’ve been living in the land of Today Shows, but I was reaching for something, anything, that wasn’t TV fluff. (And I may've found it. Or else God just handed it to me.)

What I also found, (which is to say, the lesson that jumped out at me) was: “Nothing happens Suddenly.”

Well, Of COURSE things happen suddenly. Lottery winnings happen suddenly. “Honey I’m leaving you for another woman” happens suddenly. “You’re fired” happens suddenly.

Turns out. The dude was right.

Nothing happens suddenly.

Yeah, a big-ol-pile of money may SEEM to happen suddenly, but the routine of buying a ticket? Not so sudden. Your marriage suddenly ended? You probably had a hunch. The job you suddenly lost? Not so sudden. You had to have known something was up, unless….

 You, like me, have learned to get good at ignoring such negative vibes, cranking up music, thinking positive…Painting it pink and calling it fine! :) But in the end, these are all just efforts to cover up what isn’t so sudden, (nor subtle), which is to say, we are creatures of habit and sometimes our habits need changing.

I think Mr. Kabbalah teacher is right: Nothing Happens Suddenly. If we’re products of our own repeated habitual patterns, the question becomes: why are most of these so self destructive and what small, integral step can one take (in the day to day) to change things?

And Then There Were Five: On Puppies, Wisdom and "Now" Life Experiences

I’ve heard the phrase “Living in the now” so much it’s almost cliché. Logically, I know what it means; it means you’re not giving thought to things past or things future, but rather tapping into a state of being that is, well... now. I suppose (by way of reasoning) this means “now” is not a logical thing, as logical propositions require a linear thought process (i.e. beginning, middle and end). “Now” by definition, cannot be all three states. It is one state—a single state of being. It’s a state of being so fully present that the past and the future are not factors, so I guess we could say "now" moments defy logic, making it a totally illogical thing. (And Western minds like logic, so maybe most don’t even aspire for this “now” thing, but I do.)

I’ve experienced the “now” in glimpses. Like walking in a dark room and flipping on the light for a split second only to have to try to remember where the furniture was when the room goes dark again, I usually recognize it after it’s happened, which means I was so caught up in the flow of the moment, I wasn’t thinking about whether I was in it or not. (In the words of my man, Trace Adkins: "This ain’t no thinking thing…Right brain...Left brain...") 

But I am also aware of when I’m not in it (which is most of the time). Who among us  hasn’t been offended (or been the offendor) by someone checking a text when you’re talking, or checking their caller ID as if to say “Let me see if this person is more important than you or the story you’re telling me."  And even if not conveying our “non-presence” by way of outward gestures, let’s be honest. Who among us hasn’t zoned out mid somebody else’s story, giving a nod or an “uh-huh” while a thousand miles away in the privacy of our own minds and thoughts?

I think one of the reasons I’ve gone so overboard with this whole puppy thing is that they, more than anything I’ve experienced in a long while, have given me more understanding of this “now” concept than anything I've ever studied or read on the subject in my entire life.  Like a mother with a newborn, some things you get for such a brief period, your soul knows to hold onto every second of the instant while it can, even if your brain wants to challenge it.

Who’d have thought that little white fur clouds would provide workaholic me exercises in “now” living (perhaps a little too much some days). Time and again, with work backing up, I gave in to wanting to hold them, talk to them…breathe in their little puppy breath, even if it pushed the window on other more worldly, supposedly more important things getting done.

The concept really hit home today as my first two of seven left to start their new lives…For little human me, I dreaded the sadness, and thus I got to experience: sadness. And if I choose, I can recall the sadness still. For the remaining 5 puppies, this was not the case; instead it was, again, an exercise in “now” (which comes so naturally to them).

It was a lovely afternoon, spent with a person I know well…someone like me, who has too much farm and not enough time in her day to get it all done. While we have a lot in common this way, we also have things like farm logistics, live stock issues and coyote threats, where having a Pyr is not just a luxury, it’s a necessity. (Granted they feel like luxuries when they’re puppies, but I think God grants us a grace period for the very young.)

For a minute or two as the first two pups were leaving, my five who remained cried like babies. It was all I could do not to cry with them. But the more I observed, the more I came to realize we weren’t wimpering for the same reasons. I was sad knowing this was the last they’d all be together…recalling the day they were born and all the little puppy moments leading up to this moment. They were crying because they were stuck on the inside of a gate and the 2 that were leaving appeared to be free and they wanted to be free too. Their “now” was an interpretation of the injustice. It had nothing to do with worries for the future.

As the two headed off to their forever home, I was curious to watch the five: “Would they pine for their siblings? Would they suddenly turn sad? Would their temperaments change forever? Or did these pups even know there were 7 of themselves to begin with? (I seriously doubt they knew their count and since they all look pretty much the same, I hadn’t notice any two buddying up in any way special. To the contrary, “Whoever’s next to me gets your tail pulled or your nose bitten!” is pretty much how they roll.)

The “now” of the two-sided fence moment, gave way to the “now” of supper time, after which, came the “now” of curling up for bed.  As I watch the five, strewn in twos and threes I realized “They aren’t missing the others. They haven’t looked past their noses to see who’s missing.  So long as there was at least one pal in sight, one toy to be chewed, a familiar towel, rug, teddy bear under their little furry bodies…i.e. some reminder of their safety, their comfort, something familiar in their own little “nows”, each pup was perfectly content, after all, living in the “now” is all they know how to do.

On the other hand, I (with the human brain) came inside where thoughts reverted to what will come tomorrow and what didn’t get done last week –because “I” with my wonderful human mind can fret in both forward and reverse gears, very seldom granting myself permission to live in that neutral, foreign territory otherwise known as the “now”~ (but I'm working on it).