The Bluer My Day . . .

The Bluer my Porch?

Call it ADD. Call it OCD. Call it "Karlen's preferred method come time to try catapulting herself out of a funk...(Also known as 'sadness'...Also known as "stuck-dom". Feel free to insert your own word here, because today has been one of those days, and based on the handful of folks I've spoken with today, it appears I'm not the only one feeling tidal waves of helplessness, if not sheer numbness by this point, when it comes to the many goings on in the world today.)

On the one hand, I confess: I Know I've consumed WAY too much news first week of this new year. And I KNOW it's not healthy mentally, and for sure, it's breaking my heart...And yet, watch, I do. I guess somewhere deep within the recesses of my being, I am silently thinking/hoping/praying that somewhere along the way, somehow, someone will make sense of it all for me. But instead, things playing out in this (so called) "real world" seem only to frustrate, depress and divide us all the more, and I don't know about you, but I'm stumped as to what I personally can do about it.

In times like these, in my own attempts at balance and sanity (since hopeful and positive seem SO out of reach) I find myself unconsciously turning to an inner short list of self-invented, fall-back routines I can count on and turn to, if for no other reason than to have something/anything to show for my little day (small though that effort may be in the grand scheme of life).

For instance, my short list of VERY small, self-imposed, tried and true options, (i.e. things that at least leave me feeling (even if in the SMALLEST of ways) that "Hey, I tried." So far said list includes: ironing, mowing and painting. Here recently I added 'power-washing' to this list of things I can do to "leave life better than I found it" ...i.e. take something from a ratty, 'needs help' state, and turn it into something left better for me having (ironed/mowed/painted or powerwashed the thing!) I find myself when lost in that mental whirlwind of "What's It All About, Alfie?" subconsciously gravitating towards my dryer, my tractor, a paint can or a garden hose, as there is something very soothing to me in choosing a task that is absolutely mindless, but one that starts with something much in need of straightening out, that, (lo and behold!) "I" can actually straighten out! Just me! (I told you we're not talking peace treaties here or solving the global warming. No. This is about solving SOMEthing...(again, ANYthing) so as to give my 'feeling-way-too-hopeless/helpless' spirit even the tiniest pat on the back, for pausing long enough (especially when my mind starts to go down the rabbit hole) to remind myself there's a difference between those things I can vs. the many things I cannot change. And I'd be wise to take note.

Here's to the Day that Was...

Hard to believe I spent 20 years waking up at 4 am, without a CLUE that (hey!) Turns out I'm a night owl!

That being said, we're Day 3 into this new year, and I'm determined to stick to my primary resolution of documenting something by way of my little life/farm day by way of this blog, so here goes...

Today we all woke u[ to discover that while we were sleeping we somehow managed to go to war with Venezuela. And while 20 some odd years ago, my life's work centered on debating and discussing such oddities, today is not that time, and this is not that blog.

It's Not that I don't have opinions; I do. But at this stage in my life I have accepted that a) the world has enough pundits, and b) sadly we've reached a point where voicing opinions can get you killed (or distanced, or _______ fill in the blank. You're no doubt living it too.)

As an alternative, I find myself more and more reverting to that serenity prayer while filing most of what I see on TV under "things I cannot change" while asking God to give me enough wisdom to know the difference if that changes.

Instead, I have opted to make each day's mission to find something/anything useful to take up the energy I otherwise would lose by fretting ("fretting" being a polite country word for "stressing to high heavens") over the sad, sad state of our planet right now. So to that end, (and in salute to this blog post sharing today's "drug of choice" come time to detach myself from television reports and social media clips, I give you... ("Ta-Dah!"...Drumroll please...)

TODAY's creative venture, serving as my simple attempt at changing what things I can, which for today, meant starting a brand new farm project (this being additional fencing for the one too many critters I have managed to accumulate!) And since my latest bid for said fencing was upwards of $10-grand, I jumped off those political YouTube accounts, and ONTO some "DIY Fencing alternatives" which for now anyway, found me fancy-ing up some of those less than pretty T-posts, by way of a beautiful hue of purple paint, just in time for the planting of the lavender, which will soon accompany borders of said fencing!

(Anymore, it's the little things I CAN do something about I shoot for these days. Some call it a cop out. Others call it wisdom. I'll let you decide :)

Yo! John Denver...Can We Talk?

Much as I love John Denver AND his music (and I do...I truly do), I gotta say, I grimace a smidge every time I hear that whole "Life on the farm is kinda laid back ..." lyric, as it proves clearly to me that either a) John Denver never lived on a REAL farm or b) he was so far removed from the reality of what happens in the day to day life ON a farm that he wouldn't be caught dead ever describing such a life as "laid back" ~

Ha! Far from it!

As proof positive, I set aside the blog I intended to write (an hour and a half ago) to say, Here's how THIS one ended... (or is ending...Or, I can only pray, will soon end...Dear God, I can only pray soon, puh-leeze...!?!)

Saving my "Day 2. and all is Well" post for, (I dunno) maybe Day 3, or (if I'm lucky) Day 4, or 5...or whenever... No sooner did I pop open my laptop to post a simple "Day 2 And all is Well" blog do I hear a combination of a) coyotes howling deep in the woods behind me b) Pyrenees barking (in part, owing to said coyoetes) and c) rooster crowing WAY too close, and WAY too late for when these birds have permission for doing such ....All sounds interspersed amidst a cacophony of background noises that were strange enough on this Wolfy moon night to send me out in my bathrobe way near midnight in order to see just what the hey was going on outside~ (Two minutes observing life outside my back door and problems were simple enough to identify...)

1) Given we've taken over all original habitats of coyotes, deer and anything "wildlife" that once Owned this back country we humans now developed out...My first apologetic "aha!" I'm sure they heard more as a "Sorry dudes. People trump critters when it comes to building permits. No idea where that leaves you, just make sure it's nowhere near MY goats or livestock, 'cause this is where we, two-legged critters think WE get to call dibs~" (Note: I am not proud of my self-serving human positioning in this matter; then again... much to the critters' chagrin, I DID move here. So, bad on me for that.)

2) As if howling coyotes weren't enough to set my many Pyrenees on high alert, toss a 'dog in heat' cycle or two into the mix, and you for SURE will hear some sad longing and howling....(for which Milk Bones and T-Bones will only go so far...)

3) As to the off-hour rooster crows...Well...THIS one we attribute to one sorry-assed Barred Rock bird who has taken it upon himself to BULLY my sweet (and I say with no apologies, my Favorite Rhode Island Red Rooster) Sousa... whose sole/soul focus becomes seeking out his favorite 'safe space' that in Sousa's case, positions him as near his mama (which in Sousa's case means sneaking through the basement cat door, so as to gain access up a flight of garage stairs so as to position himself as closely as possible to where said mama will hear him first thing should said Bully Bard Rock so much as THINK he might come after him at some point in the night~ (I ask: Does this sound like "Laid back living" to you?)

Don't get me wrong. Wouldn't have it any other way. But "laid back" is hardly the descriptor I'd use when describing life on a Real farm... (Says the girl, hoping not to botch her 2026 New Year's resolution list (including 'daily blogs') as she stares down the remaining 10 minutes of her Day 2...)

Question remains: #CanSheDoIt?

Those who know me best know today is my favorite holiday. Something about New Year’s Day just does it for me. I block off more than a little time to reflect on the year that was (including but not limited to mistakes I may’ve made…miscalculations in need of re-calculating…areas in need of improvement.) And I endure this (often painful) retrospective only because I quickly follow it up with the far more enjoyable exercise of laying out whatever hopes/wishes/dreams I intend for the year ahead. And then, with blank canvas before me (usually in the form of a new journal awaiting a newly inked up fountain pen) do I do my most serious soul searching of the year. This process, more than any other I can think of, renews me, body, spirit and soul. But while I have loved each and every January 1st of my adult life, this particular New Year’s Day finds me at a crossroads… For starters, LIFE feels different right now. “Off” even. Yeah, I know. I’m older. Clearly perspectives change with age. But at my core, things feel different: “Odd” may be a better word (says the girl who used to make her living discussing and debating worldly things…political things, who now finds herself dang happy she’s living on a goat farm surrounded by a pride of big white Pyrenees dogs, a significant number of barn cats and…(don’t even get me started on the chicken count… Trust by now you get the picture. Picking up what I’m putting down?) Having forsaken my #1 “drug of choice” (that being daily writing/journaling and/or blogging~ all tried and true healthy means of processing this thing called life) it hit me a few days back that 10 years ago today, I retreated from my once familiar ‘city life and career’ to take on country living, full time… An experiment of an experience I took on, thinking I’d be living some Tennessee version of Walden’s Pond ~ (My sincerest apologies Mr. Thoreau. I knew not of what I wrote. It was a naïve endeavor, but my intentions were pure.) But somewhere between reflecting (both on the year that was, as well as the decade that has transpired since last I blogged), and laying out resolutions for this, my blank canvas of a year ahead, I decided the best way to get back to healthy and helpful habits would be to resume this blog (10 years later) to show a) how naïve I was 10 years ago per the assumptions I made and the life I was living then and b) jump start the discipline that (if nothing else) DID serve a useful and helpful purpose (whether anyone “out there” chooses to read it or not). In short, make no mistake. This is a purely selfish exercise. I mention it here in public forum only because I know myself well enough to know if I commit to someone outside of myself to do a task/(i.e. write awhile) I’ll stick to it, as I’m far more apt to stick to a promise made to you, (even if I don’t know you) than anything I ever promise or say to myself, in my head, to my dogs…whomever. So… With that said…