Unintended Consequences

     I gave myself permission to take all the time I needed to grieve Minsky's passing....and to say goodbye to Layla...
     The house is now quieter. Two girls have moved on to new forever homes--one with God, one with a family, so bursting with love when they met her it made my heart burst too. I was at peace. The healing had begun. All  that's left is time...
     But just when I thought I was ready to move on...more lessons to live...more love to feel

     I hear a soft, murmur of a whimper. I stop what I'm doing to listen closer. It's coming from Rosey. I speak her name and she sighs. I get up, check her paws, check her collar... It doesn't appear physical, but it's pain all the same.
     Lethargically she turns, drops her head and then readjusts her huge body on the floor... One big sigh, and then small whimpers again.

   

"They're not coming back, are they?"

      Unconditionally here to absorb our pain, but who absorbs theirs? How can I even come close? In my distracted sadness seems I failed to take note of just how deeply this would hit her, after all, she not only lost her best friend, but for Rosey this is her identity, her job~
     Pyrs are protectors by nature, but Rosey's wiring runs deeper yet. Having babies changed her ...it deepened her focus... expanded her heart. That her babies spent their first weeks within these walls changed her boundaries. If it comes through these doors, it's on Rosey's turf. And she takes the job very seriously.
     The outside guys each have their charge. Each even has his/her own favorite goats. Rosey's guard was Minsky, then Lilly, then Layla. Today it's down to Boo and me. Boo comes down the steps and Rosey lifts her head to take note (but even Rosey knows you can't herd a cat).
     Only now does it hit me...
     On the one hand, there's nothing so helpless as watching someone you love hurt. On on the other, this IS love...how we cope and move through these life moments are what make for bonds. More than meaningful..it's life encapsulated...a microcosm of what the whole thing is about.
 
     I stop what I'm doing, get down on my knees...With her head on my shoulder, I hug her as hard as I can. She rolls belly up ...puts a paw on my heart...she pushes as if needing to look in my eyes... At arm's length we stare and we stare and we stare.
      I recently read dogs hug with their eyes...Scientific research reveals there's a release of oxytocin when dogs hold eye contact with their human.  I recall the study all over again, and I hold the stare for as long as she wants.
     "It's ok girl," I tell her "It's ok...It's ok..."
      I hold her. I rock her. Then together we give it one more good cry.