We just got the news. The world's fixated, you know. We didn't know you personally, but that's never stopped us from weighing in. We like our opinions and seldom hesitate to share them, most today, having to do with your death and your choice to end things before things ended you.
But your death was yesterday...your decision made. This is today. Rather than belabor the death part, I want to know about Now...How is it where you are? What must you be thinking today? Is it disorienting? Is it wonderful? Do you have any regrets?
So very fitting that you'd arrive on All Saint's Day. Did you plan it that way? And what do they do on All Saints Day where saints live anyway? Were any there to greet you or were they all off celebrating? (And what do saints do to celebrate? Is it stuffy and boring like church, or is St. Francis rolling around with our dogs? I pray it's the latter. How I pray it's the latter!)
Or maybe the first time honors are set aside for family and friends we've been missing...People we'd more readily recognize?
Or are you still near? Can you see your family? Send them comfort? Are you looking over those you love? Will you attend your own memorial? Can you hear what people say? Precisely how does this work?
And that light? What about that light? Is that tunnel a wormhole? (I think it's a wormhole.) Is there a place in time/space where heaven is, or are we just missing that one all the way around?
Were your childhood pets so happy to see you? (I choose to believe they're the first ones we see. When mine cross that's the only thought pulling me through.) And can you see the pup you left behind? Do you miss him or are we too busy when we get there to experience that kind of sadness anymore?
Are we anywhere close to getting what happens to us when we die, or are we all in for a big ol shock when it's our time?
What was the neatest part?
Now that you're there...Can you see the future? Your family's? Your husband's? The planet's?
Do they show you want could've been/would've been had you taken the traditional medical route with your body, or did you even care to know? Do the mechanics of bodies fascinate us there as they do here or will we never have to think about bodies and aging and diseases again once we get there? (What a concept to behold.)
I pray your journey was peaceful. And I want to personally thank you for adding meaning to ours. Be it Facebook post or sorely needed conversation, your life and willingness to share such intimate, personal and painful decisions of your own, gave us more meaningful topics for a day. For each thought shared, each talk had, your life served a valuable purpose. You made death a little more real for us...Your bravery reminded us this not a subject to avoid, but one to accept, even embrace. Just because it's uncomfortable, doesn't make the topic go away.
Based on what little I knew of your life...the weighty options, the soul-searching decisions...the deliberate intention you gave each remaining day...I can only imagine your life this new day. I pray that wherever this finds you, you know we are grateful. I pray God said, "Well done" for I feel you were a good and faithful servant. Your life mattered. It touched ours, briefly, though deeply, allowing us pause in the midst of mindless mediocracy to ponder something real for a change...Something of meaning. (Some days, many days, most days, we forget.)
May your body rest in peace, but may your life continue to soar, shining ever bright. I pray those Alaskan hikes and that Grand Canyon visit was but the beginning of the travel God has in store...
For you...
And for all of us.
With heartfelt thanks,
karlen
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