On Being Chipper (Spoiler Alert: I think it's overrated.)

    "Are you sure you're ok? You don't sound like your chipper self..."
     The man gets paid for astute observations. Body language ... candidates...How folks respond to reporters....He's a trained professional and gets big bucks 'cause he's good at it. But more than his professional assessment, this guy is my friend. So his call went down as one of the sweeter gifts of my day and this season overall.
     "Ya know what...?" (I began) "I'm rethinking chipper....I think chipper may've contributed to the problem. I've been chipper so long people no one knows me for anything else. You do know I have many more facets...? Why is everybody stuck on this one?" 
      To be honest, I'm tired. And I'm sensing that others are too. My chipper account is not fully funded. What reserves I have are needed elsewhere.
      It was a good conversation, as ours always are; reason being, those who are real in our lives bring out the real in us too. And this is ok. More than ok. Actually, this is best.
      In the 3 minutes we had to cross check our schedules, I was not about to burn up our time recounting Thanksgiving funerals or the last call I'd just hung up from ~ Not the time. But yes. You hit me in a pocket. These and other emotions are surfacing. That I held them in for so long out of trying to being chipper for everyone else, I'm discovering, was not healthy...not for you, not for me, not for any of us.
      And while I'm perfectly capable of sad moments all my own, I am becoming more sensitive to the expectations of others this season, some of which are valid...most of which I could avoid entirely if I got gut level honest.  For those who require only a chipper me...I might need a pass this year. (Then again, maybe not. We'll just have to wait and see. We decide on a day by day, one by one basis anymore.)
     In the case of this friend, he's seen my ups and downs as I've seen his and in reflecting, it was somber, not chipper, that fertilized our relationship's growth. Somber forces us to dig beneath the surface. Somber begs you grow.
     With chipper? Not so much. Granted, chipper's a lot more fun at a holiday party, but chipper's not the ingredient for depth. (And hey...it's perfectly ok if deep is not your goal. I'm not here to judge or weigh anything but my own life's choices and experiences. I'm just sayin' ...)
     No one denies chipper is fun. I like it myself. Like my brightest pink sweater, it just makes me feel festive. But my real friends accept my whole closet. There's the bling worn for parties and my farm jumper I keep right beside the door. The ones who know me best have seen me in both and recognize the common denominator as me.

     I have another friend...one who (although not a professional poet) sends poetry by text...usually late at night...once or twice a year...with undertones so dark, I call immediately, no matter the hour, to make sure she's just venting and not about to pull a Robin Williams.
     By morning this friend is back to chipper! Only happy things here! Bright and chipper are we! :) So convincing is she that nothing from the night before would ever be believed, (much less mentioned)... Until the next time.

     So who knows her best I ask you? Facebook friends or text recipient? If anyone is there for her pain, it's me and she knows it, for her pain is very real to me, so real that veiled threats draped in poetry, are texts I take very seriously.

     For those who need only chipper me... we have cute goats and dog hugs, and blogs of life's sweet ironies and we have 'em in spades. My pics and posts shall continue~ The world needs these moments. (I need these moments.) But the reason these moments resonate so deeply with a precious few, is because these moments, like deep friendships, are connected far beneath the surface...They hit us at our core. I want more of these. And if that means giving up a little chipper, I think it a fair exchange.
 
     Whoever decided Chipper = Good ...All else = Bad... I disagree.

     For while not in the traditional Christmas spirit (as our mall-hopping culture defines it) this Christmas is delivering Spirit in boatloads. So far, it has been (and I intend it shall continue to be) my most meaningful Christmas to date...As in Ever. In my life.
     Don't be fooled by that chipper thing.... What I lack in showing up chipper this year, I'm re-investing and redirecting. I've extended this year's party invite to the other "me's", and if that winds up being a party of one, or two or me hugging 16 goats, well so be it.
     I gently invite you to gift yourself the same. In the words of that "Mama Mia, Speecy, Spicey Meatball commercial, "Try it. You might like it."