Making God Laugh

   

    Certainly not the way I'd planned it... But anymore I'm living proof that time is an illusion and those folks thinking they can manage it have never lived on a farm.

     Let's see if I can paint you a picture...

     So yesterday it is discovered that one of my pups is no longer a pup. (How to put this delicately....? Hmmm. Rosebud's in heat.)

     For those of you unfamiliar with the timing element on this little scenario, it's really quite simple. God lives for sevens. You've got 7 days of warning. (Good luck knowing precisely when the count begins.) You've got 7 days in which to act (or avoid). You've got a 7 day cooling off period. By way of dog behavior, this nets you 21 days of male dogs going bonkers; and 14 days (broken down before and after) when your girl will eat their heads off like a preying mantis.

     Wasn't sure precisely the moment we started our count, but let's just say Rosebud had a rough night. (And TJ and Hix weren't exactly stress free, though they didn't care.)

     Came out this morning to find her stuck between two lovers (one being her uncle TJ, the other being her brother, Hix...neither being a good thing for Rosebud). My two males are fighting for her (dis)honor like Arthur and Lancelot, meanwhile, my Gwinevere Rosebud is standing her ground, but wants the heck out of dodge.

     Leaping to action, I pull her from the brawl, hoisting her safely inside our new barn (doors for which we've not perfected). Bolting her securely inside, I make my way to the side dutch door, hoping to avoid the two Cujo like males now pining away. 

   

      But I am no match for Hix, who on his hind legs, now stands a good 7 feet tall (who knew?) Having closed the bottom half of the dutch, I was not prepared for him to attempt a pole-vaulted leap across the upper opening, but seeing it in his eyes, I knew he was going to try. In a moment of reactionary brilliance, I reach for the upper half of the door just as he lunged when SLAM. I am in!  Only problem: I am LOCKED in, with no inside latch to let me out...

     Rosebud breathes a sigh of relief, circles three times and hits the hay. (Fortunately, we did have a lot of it, along with her food and fresh water.) What we did not have was a doorknob.

     On the other side are two raging hormonal male dogs, now chewing and clawing their way through the cracks. Meanwhile, Rosebud (who has not slept a wink since this all started) curls up in a goat stall as if to say "Yeah. Work it out Mom. I really need sleep."

     The good news (thank God for this part) I did have my cell phone (and amazingly, it was charged). The bad news, I had to call Thurman, who, after laughing his fool head off, did come to my rescue. On the other side of the barn doors I hear the barking go distant, and then I hear Thurman approaching with, "I dunno boys...What do you think? Think we should leave 'em in there?"

     It's a battle of the sexes. 3 against 2...which makes me think (now that we're out) God must be female...
     On the other hand, who would do this to her own?