Newly reacquainted with the
expression “puppy love” thanks to a weekend shared with 2 of TJs offspring, I got
curious about the phrase, as it’s one I’ve so far, never put in a book.
Still not sure who coined it, but Donnie
Osmond made it famous. The more technical definition of puppy love refers to
that stage of human development where instant giddiness trumps the deeper, more
meaningful version of things. Sadly, our culture too often confuses, if not prefers puppy love to the real deal, as
puppy love more or less happens TO you, where as true love actually requires some
work.
You can scroll through Facebook on
any given day and see the other kind of love we’re talking about. Loss of a
family pet often outranks human loss (then again, for some of us, pets are
family and many are easier to love than some humans).
We may barely know the person whose
Fido just crossed the rainbow bridge, but we know too well that feeling—the
downside to having loved so deeply, the empty pain of saying goodbye to
something that loved and trusted us so unconditionally. You can tell by the age
of the dog and the essence of the photo just what joy this creature added to
the journey….
So it was an interesting
juxtaposition of emotions yesterday to get a call centering on the other side
of this equation. No sooner was I reliving the joys of innocent puppies with
their intoxicating puppy breath and little happy waggy tails, do I hear from a
friend, whose life has taken on some new challenges resulting in the decision
to let go of their beloved pets, that raising 6-month old pups is a adding
another layer of stress to lives with health factors and life decisions in the
balance.
To be clear, these are no pet
slackers. These folks know the breed; have owned them before. If I were a dog,
I’d want to be theirs. No, this decision is breaking their hearts and I could
hear it in her voice. These pups wound up the luckiest of the lot in that they
nailed a huge farm, lots of land to run on, air conditioned living quarters…the
whole nine yards. They were fed, loved, brushed and walked morning and evening
and in between were given free access to fenced in fields where they could
chase rabbits and deer to their little hearts’ content. And while the owners look
to place them in the same or better, it did prompt a most tearful and
meaningful conversation as we reflected on life, its phases and what happens as
we age in an age with so many more demands on our time. How does one stop the
merry-go-round and get off, save to painstakingly eliminate each and every stress
element one at a time?
Let the record reflect, no one
loves her critters more than I do, but it IS a commitment. And unless you’re
wealthy enough to afford live in help, it’s a commitment, once made, that you
alone are responsible for. Most of us recall our first puppy or our first
kitten. These always came with the lecture of “Now YOU’RE going to take care of
it, right?” Followed by “Oh yes, Mommy. I’ll do it! I’ll do anything. Can I
puh-leeeeease just have this puppy?”
It usually took about 3 weeks for
us to wonder if someone else was ever going to help us out. The good news is,
if we DID have a slumber party to attend or a week-long visit to Gran’s, the
pup magically got cared for. Someone besides us always managed to get things
handled. Arrangements were made on our behalf.
But as an adult, I’m the one making
arrangements. I’m the one that feels the guilt if my dinner meeting runs late
and it’s dark before I’m back to feed critters. I’m the one who hears goats
bleating if I sleep in on a Saturday. I’m the one who feels the jabbing emotions
when someone gets hurt and I can’t make the vet get here fast enough.
I want to be very clear on this
point, because for all the things I’m learning here on the farm, the number one
thing is “It Takes A Village” as feeling the responsibility for every single
life is not always a great feeling. For sure, the joy outweighs the pain; if it
didn’t I wouldn’t be doing it, but responsibility…better yet, the FEELING so
responsible, can overtake you if you’re not careful.
Such was the sound in my friend’s
voice. The joy these pups had brought was undeniable, and the pain she knew she
was in for when saying goodbye, added a whole ‘nother layer to the strain. We
know this going in: puppy love-turned-full blown dog commitment comes with
both. Lest anyone try to tell you there’s never a stressful moment behind these
smiling-eyed, adorable creatures, make no mistake…There are plenty.
As with pups, as with people, as
with houses…jobs…as with LIFE, the goal is no longer all perfect/all happy all
the time, for this is an unrealistic expectation. Make that your goal and you
WILL fail a good percentage of the time and that undercurrent feeling of
failure (or even foreboding of failure) is right up there with internalized
guilt for all you did but could’ve done better.
It was a deeply moving and very
real conversation to say “Hey, you know what? I feel that feeling at least 5
times a day. I wake up knowing I can’t so much as make coffee until the kids
are tended to. The second they see my feet hit the steps, they’re talking me
through the process. Do I weary of it? Yes. Do I love them? Yes. This is not an
either or.”
The older I get, the more realistic
I get about things that, in my youth, I clearly idealized…Things like puppies
being perfect all the time, never tearing up a shoe or messing up my floor…
Things like goats that need de-worming and vet bills that go with the
territory.
To even hope for peace and balance
means I have to stop and allow for both sides, for it takes both to make up life.
You can’t have the one without the other. As a matter of fact it’s because of
one that we learn to respect the other, and from this back and forth we
hopefully grow.
As with my critters…as with my
garden…there is a yin and a yang to everything living…a balance and a counter
balance. One must have rain AND sun. We live the good and the bad. To want for
only one—the happy, is unrealistic; it’s shallow; it’s ego talk. Spirit grows
and thrives from living and allowing the emotions stemming from both.
And if one day, we get really wise,
I pray we learn to release the tendency for finding fault with ourselves and
allowing guilt to run the show. There is no guilt in awareness. There is no
wrong in saying “I must make a change.” To the contrary. The greater harm is to
deny a change is needed.
As scripture and the lovely group
The Byrds have taught us ~
“To everything (turn, turn, turn)
there is a season (turn, turn, turn)”
May we one day learn to cut
ourselves some slack when it’s time to let go. May we gently take from these
experience, the memories that made us laugh, the moments that made us cry and
the lessons that came from both.
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