Fortunately (or maybe not) we Americans
are a blues-dodgin’ bunch. You gotta admit, we have more ways to avoid our
feelings than Carter’s got little liver pills.
One glimpse of the evening news will catch you up on the latest
anti-depressants (like we don’t need these just to watch the evening news).
Alcohol consumption is on the rise. Clearly pot use is hot and happening.
If altering chemicals is not your
thing, there are mental tricks to help you avoid those less than fun emotions.
We can zombie out in front of the TV, watching shows so mindless they have to nudge
us to laugh…or shows so traumatic we come away feeling better by comparison.
Then there’s the good ol internet. We can catch up, stalk or scroll the night
away, losing hours on end for having electronically reached out, in poor substitution
for what real life relationships bring.
And if acting out to avoid your
woes is your preference, why you can shop your way through them, eat your way
around them…grab a movie and remove yourself from reality entirely for a couple
of hours, only to find when you snap back, well, there you are
again. Whatever you hoped to avoid is waiting right there for you…just like you
left it. Only now you’re a tad bit broker if not a tad bit guiltier for having
thought you could dodge the problem in the first place.
Far be it from me to psychologize,
but anymore I’m beginning to wonder if we aren’t damaging ourselves with all
these avoidance techniques. Sure, who doesn’t want to be happy, happy, happy all the time, but is this realistic? Isn’t the proper response to a hurt
or a betrayal supposed to be pain? It’s not like God just gave us one mood to
be in, so why do we Americans work so hard to stick with this one mood all the
time?
I liken feelings to colors ~ sure
we all love cheery yellows and bright reds, but how flat would life’s
masterpieces be if there were no darker hues to deepen the effect?
I’ve got a friend who likens
feelings to house guests. He says they’re supposed to come, then leave…that our
true being lies beneath these moods, that we are merely the host…the observer.
Some guests we like better than others so we let them stay longer. Others are
not so fun, but even when dealing with one we don’t like, give it time. It will
pass.
But as a people…as a country, have
we messed with our feelings so much, that we forgot what they’re here for? Thanks
to Hollywood have we bought the lie... drunk the Kool-aid? We’ve convinced
ourselves that up and perky and happy is the only mood worth having and all the
others need to exit stage left, and if they don’t exit on their own, well, we
can run ‘em off with any of the afore mentioned techniques. Since happy’s the
only one worth keeping, we panic when an unfamiliar one creeps in. We live in
mortal fear it’s going to stay too long, so we race for that drink, that drug,
that mindless activity to chase it away rather than processing the gift that
guest was here to bring.
I’m as guilty as the next person
for being rude to these unwanted house guests. No one loves the sadness that comes
with betrayal or the emptiness that comes from loss. But as we age…as we start
losing those we love….as we get wiser to the fact that yes, life can be hard
and yes, people will let you down, perhaps the proper response to those less
than desirable feelings is to invite them in…sit with them a spell. Do what
country folk do when new neighbors move in. . . get to know them.
I don't know. Just a thought...
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