It hit me as I sat down to organize three years of pictures yesterday. I'd sought the help of a professional (Who knew iPhoto locks up when you hit 10,000?) My computer had slowed to a snail's pace. I'd been watching that spinning beach ball so much I was starting to hear seagulls.
Then it hit me~ My Mac looks like my garage! My desktop resembles... my desktop! The signs are no longer coming in three's ...They're coming in droves. And the common denominator is me. The underlying problem: too much stuff!
This "stuff" stuff is really starting to bug me. Rather than sort through cluttered computer files I needed to dig into my cluttered mind to find just what is driving this need in me to hold onto so much stuff! So far, here's what I've come up with:
1) I'm sentimental. I can point to any cup, bookend, candlestick holder and tell you where it came from, who gave it to me and/or what the nice lady was wearing as she rang up the sale .... Forget where I put my phone last, but show me a mug and I can remember the tiniest of details in its story~
2) I'm creative. As if having too much stuff isn't bad enough, I need to see my stuff... in plain view...for sure when working on a project, but sometimes (most times) even after. Time to make pickles? Every jar, every ingredient, every possible pan and bowl (whether I use them or not) must be visible, or else, I'll forget something. Same goes for laying out cookbook pages. Same goes for paying bills. My business partner once got me a book called "Organizing for Creatives" ...It basically said to color code things by projects. Now my stuff has a rainbow between its layers. Didn't change a thing, it just added pretty colors.
3) I'm busy. Putting stuff away takes time and given the choice of putting it back, cleaning it up, tucking it away OR taking that phone call...well hey, it's just me. The dogs don't care. Heck, they even can't see the counters. I'll tidy up this evening. Only by evening, I'm too tired to tidy.
4) ... (You get the gist. This list could go on and on.)
Upon deeper reflection I DID stumble upon an answer, and a simple one at that, which is GET RID of things, Evins. And if you ever get good at that, QUIT BUYING MORE!
I'm not trying to halt the economy, but if I never bought another piece of clothing as long as I live I couldn't wear mine out. Like most everyone, I go to my closet each morning, peruse an endless variety of wardrobe options, then reach for my same favorite "T", and my same comfy prairie skirt...Subconscious takes over and unless I have a key presentation or something fancy to attend, my choices follow a very narrow pattern of selectivity. Who am I kidding? I'm never going to wear that top I bought three years ago because it was on sale~ You think I could at least start there. Heck, sale things don't pack a bunch of sentiment (except for thinking, "Aw...Mom was with me that day. She bought a belt to go with a purse and we laughed about....." Yep. That's part of the problem. I assign meaning and memories to everything, which makes it hard to let anything go....You can only imagine me trying to sell a goat. It's a miracle I didn't keep every single one of Rosey's puppies~)
It's not that I don't clear things out regularly. I do. I've got girlfriends I swap things with ("swap" being the operative word there). I know the people at Goodwill on a first name basis. But despite my myriad trips with boxes packed with purses, boots and pans, stuff keeps on accumulating. It's like it's breeding in there behind closed doors.
It's an endless cycle of accumulation...frustration...deliberation, and then BOOM. It's outta here. I do haul things regularly. But like some homing pigeon, my stuff always finds its way back home, meaning something in my internal wiring has got to shift.
There is an old Buddhist proverb that states: When the student is ready, the teacher will appear. In this case, my teacher was on tape.
While packing up boxes, I was listening to a book on organizing (which is technically moving your stuff around) when one statement stood out as if the author was speaking to me. It had to do with the energy of stuff...namely how much it consumes. We lose time sorting through it, tripping over it, dodging it. We dread facing it, tearing into it, deciding what stays and what goes. In short, whether we've stacked it neatly or not, it's there, reminding us ever so silently that all is not clear in our world. When she spoke of stuff as energy, and how in removing stuff, you get more energy in exchange, THEN it hit me. If there is anything in this physical universe I revere, it's energy. Energy to get things done. Energy to enjoy life. It was a sudden paradigm shift to think of energy as an exchange unit. Heretofore, I had considered money as a possible exchange, peace of mind as an exchange, a neater house as an exchange. But not once had I factored pure energy as the resulting gift from ridding space of its stuff.
It was an "aha" moment like none other. I can't tell you that it'll all be gone by morning. But there is a new carrot dangling before me now and that is "If you walked in your house tomorrow, Evins, and there stood a clean desk...an empty corner...the five item you use (but no more) in your bathroom cabinet...WHAT would that FEEL like?"
Obviously, I'll have to get back to you on this, as I've never felt this feeling, save for the first days of moving in, but I honestly think it would feel freeing.
Before going overboard, I'm going to try it with one small corner of my world, just to make sure. But I think it would feel freeing. Contemplating it sure feels freeing...
Back with a report.
Film at 11.
Stay tuned...(cause if I pull this off, it WILL be breaking news.)
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